Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
