She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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