We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
