If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize