I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
