apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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