Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
