You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
