That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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