Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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