its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
