then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
