I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize