Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize