Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So much rum. So many feels.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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