The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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