Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
