I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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