Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
