I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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