Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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