I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
