How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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