I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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