he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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