i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
