i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
