as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Two words: blizzard sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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