I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
