Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
