So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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