There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
