i need an iv and a liver transplant
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
