just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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