this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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