I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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