i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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