so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
