I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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