In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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