I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
