The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
