I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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