Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
