The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
