Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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