PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
