wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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