are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize