bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
