We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
