i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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