The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
