is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i need some magic done to my vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
