So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
