Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
