so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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