I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
