haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
