The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
