she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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