a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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