i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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