oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
