youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dignity is for republicans.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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