why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
