New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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