i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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