Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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