this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
