At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
