I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
