Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
