just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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