i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize