Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
