eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
