I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
